Monday, July 6, 2009 '

totally lost

I'm totally lost now, don't know what steps should I take, don't know what should I do next. In my life now, there's a big obstacle in front of me which I don't know what should I do. Turn my head around and walk back, or remain in front of this obstacle and choose to give up? Or should I detour this big obstacle? Or perhaps I should really face it, pick up my courage and try to climb over it?

I chatted with jing wen, she adviced me on many things, my parents adviced me too. But then, frankly speaking, I'm scared, scared to face it. I admit I don't have the courage, don't have the element to pluck up my courage and face it. Coz no matter what, I did try my best, did put in the effort, perhaps it's not enough, not enough to have a smooth path ahead for me. That's why there's a big stone in front of me now, and I know I'll have to face it anyway.

I'm seriously tired, tired of everything. Live for 18 years, and I can say my 18th year is the toughest one, and the one that I need alot of energy and mood to live with it. Live for so long, no one ever treat me like that, this year is the first one. Guess it's my fate, guess it's the life that I should have for me. I seriously need someone to advice me, and I need someone to tell me what should I do.

I'm living in a totally lost world, yet no one can help me. Guess I have to depend on my own, to make my decision and live it with no regrets. And I know my family will support me no matter what. But then, I disappoint my parents the most, that's the only regret I have now. So I'll make my decision, so that I can account it to them.

~I'm tired to make decision, coz I don't know how. I'm tired to walk, coz I don't know where to go. I'm tired to hang on, coz I don't know can I survive. I'm tired to cry and I'm tired to shed tears, coz I know it wouldn't change anything.~

*If it's wrong to love u, then my heart just wouldn't let me be right*
11:06 PM